Weaknesses

In my post about the importance of planning ahead, I mentioned my big party today. I don’t think it’s necessarily a weakness to plan ahead for it, but the amount of planning and anxiety I had about it might be, because it reminds me that there are still some foods and situations I have less control over and I therefore allow them to control my life. If I could simply eat a reasonable amount at this party, I wouldn’t have to worry about it, after all.

Parties in general are a weakness to me. This type of party is especially bad. It is for my roommate’s birthday, and it is one of our “fancy” parties. Essentially, an excuse to wear a cocktail dress and drink wine and eat cheese. Cheese is definitely one of my weaker points. I know it is perfectly healthy and fine to include cheese in my diet, but I seriously eat it on like everything. And an excuse to eat it all night? While drinking?! That’s probably just going to be a disaster.

I also decided it would be a good idea to have a partial theme of the party be “decorate your own cupcakes.” I guess I was thinking I would make mini cupcakes then be able to stick to eating one or two. We decided to make regular sized ones so that they are easier to decorate, though. Additionally, one of my friends who decorates cakes is bringing a birthday cake. So much cake. Cake really isn’t one of my weak points, but I still have some trouble with pressure from others, especially in social/party situations (and ESPECIALLY now that I’m “skinny” and “don’t have to worry about it”) to eat more than I should. I’m just hoping to avoid confrontation about the cake, because I know that I myself can hold on to the decision to eat just one cupcake.

Now, I don’t want this post to make it sound like I’m dreading the party or anything. I’m actually looking forward to it! I love dressing up, and we will be playing board games, and one our friends from out of town (the cake bringer) will be here. It will also (unless I get too busy with it) be a good break from my take home test. I just wish that I could get over the issues that party eating causes for me.

In one way, I would consider myself lucky, though. I know that a lot of people struggle with binge eating on a daily basis. Other than these party situations, the only things that really push me to overeat are extremely bad situations (most of the time, stress makes me less hungry,but in a few select cases, it does not), pizza, and Mexican restaurants. And I can even force myself to put half of my food away at Mexican restaurants, sometimes.

Additionally, I know that I have improved. In the past, I might have said “well, I have too many parties/holidays/days I deem special this month, no healthy eating until next month.” I’ve avoided completely abandoning my new lifestyle for those reasons (I mean, I have bad days, but I mean abandoning it for weeks on end) for about a year and a half now. My “binges” are also way smaller. I found myself bragging last night about how I love pizza so much that I can eat NEARLY HALF of a large pizza if I’m not careful. In the past, half was normal. Plus breadsticks and chips. Now, 3 slices and a breadstick makes me feel sick.

I know this post was a little serious, but sometimes that is necessary. Maintenance isn’t always easy and fun.

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