This weekend did NOT go as well as I had planned. Foodwise, I mean – otherwise it was fine. In fact, it was quite nice, as I went to several flea markets/antique places (we got some nice paintings, a cow cookie jar, and a really old WWII game) and we took Belle for a long walk around Wildwood park. A lot of it had to do with my continuing struggle to balance being around my family and healthy eating.
I’ve mentioned this issue before – this particular struggle caused the lightbulb moment where I realized that maintenance was going to be a lifelong struggle and that I was going to have to learn to deal with healthy eating in all areas of my life, not just my normal meals at home. Just because I realized this (ok, maybe Kris pointed it out to me, so I’ll give him the credit), that doesn’t mean that I don’t struggle with it. I HAD been doing better, but I’ve been doing very poorly this summer, partially because I know that there isn’t much damage to be done and I have therefore been letting my new habits slip. In general, I’ve been having trouble keeping weight ON this summer. In fact, this weekend did not really have any weight related consequences: despite a day with 1,000 calories over and a day I didn’t even count out of fear, which I NEVER do, I’m still at the super duper high (can you sense my sarcasm) weight of 129 lbs. That is only 2 lbs above my “goal” weight and 4 lbs above the weight I’ve been hovering at lately, and I know it isn’t even real, because it’s shark week. I have no doubt that by next week my weight will be back to 125 or lower. Still, the problem is that I am trying to deal with a lifestyle change, here. The message I should get from an inability to keep weight on is to up my average calorie intake by say, 100 calories or so per day until my weight stabilizes, not to allow myself crazy weekend binges (on Saturday, for example, I seriously had a donut, Red Robin, Papa Johns, and two kinds of pie). I feel like after every weekend I’m coming on here and being like “sorry guys had a bad weekend lol” and that needs to stop. Yes, I can let myself have a day with indulgences, especially if I have had low calories the rest of the week, but my weekend have been turning into three day long binges lately, and it’s been really contributing to my negative attitude.
Now, back to the thing with hanging with my family and food, which was what led to the bingeing this weekend. My family and I eat VERY differently now. I mean, even when I lived at home I didn’t really eat much like them – I often made my own (unhealthy) food. They eat beef or pork almost every night for dinner; the bogo steaks I bought last week were my first red meat I bought to eat at home ALL SUMMER (yeah, I eat it at restaurants, but almost never at home). They also like to have a lot of sweets and salty snacks around – there are always things like bags of cookies or peanut butter filled pretzels at their house. Now, I love these things, but I CANNOT keep them in my house usually because I will binge on them or in attempting to portion control them they go stale (you just can’t eat all the chips by yourself one serving at a time before they go bad). Don’t get me wrong, they eat veggies and things, too, it’s just that they prefer having different staple food items.
Whenever I visit them, it is less problematic because they tend to buy things that I like for special meals for me or we go out to restaurants I really like in my hometown. I had forgotten how hard it is to deal with having them HERE in terms of food, though. Honestly, you’d think it would be easier because I am in control of the food, but remember, these are my parents. They are basically judging whether I am a competent adult or not the whole time that they are here (or at least I perceive them to be – even if it’s all in my head, it’s a pressure I have to deal with). Last time they visited, I went grocery shopping. I even got special stuff for them to eat (chips, soda, and stuff to make one nice at home meal)! My mother still declared my kitchen “empty” and wanted to know what we were supposed to eat and drug me to the store so that I could buy (unfortunately they have deemed me adult enough to afford my own groceries, a sad change from the past) popcorn, candy, sweet tea, and tons of cheese (which is weird, because I actually buy lots of cheese in general). Therefore, this time, I went to the store before they came and bought the latter. I at least avoided MOST of the complaints about my food supply (vanilla yogurt with fresh strawberries was struck down as a breakfast choice because it was “gross unflavored yogurt,” but it was ok because there were other acceptable options), but we ended up going out for almost every meal anyway! Therefore I now have a house full of junk food that I love to binge on. Also, I did not do well at eating healthy at the restaurants because they are ones where I have difficulty getting healthy things (like Red Robin). At least I have reflected and will work harder in the future.
I also had a somewhat crappy weekend in terms of training. On Saturday, I was supposed to run 3 miles, but had to cut my run slightly short (2.75 miles) because it began pouring rain while I was out. Before you declare me a wimp, I honestly tried (even at the risk of my cell phone – it wasn’t raining at all when I left and I was operating on pre-coffee logic so I didn’t put it in a baggie as I normally would on a somewhat rainy day). I swear that I have a good excuse for heading home: my glasses. I cannot wear contacts, and without my glasses I am essentially blind, so once it started pouring rain, I couldn’t see anything with or without them. After it started pouring, I swear I basically ran as fast as I could back to my house (which was over a mile away, leading to the still almost full workout), but because I could barely see, my pace was still abysmal. Then, on Sunday, despite PERFECT running weather (low 60s and sunny), my pace for my long run was awful. It was seriously so slow. It was run at roughly the same pace as my 5 mile long run during my last bout of half marathon training, but that 5 miles was run HUNGOVER. WTF. On top of my struggles with food and my general slowed pace lately, and the fact that I am already mopey about having to leave Harrisburg at the end of the week, this run just completely soured my attitude towards my physical fitness level.
Today, however, I was somewhat vindicated: for the first time in WEEKS, I did my workout at an average pace below nine minutes per mile. My breating was labored, and my legs hurt, but I did it. I hate that it was so much more difficult than it used to be (this was an easy pace when I was training before) but I was honestly afraid I couldn’t even do it. I’m still worried that I’m doing something wrong or I’m just lazy or something because it was so hard, but at least I know that not all of my progress has been lost. Perhaps its just because I’m biking more or something and my legs are worn out. Oh well, hopefully I continue to get back to my previous level of fitness throughout this training program.
There was one other pleasant thing that helped to make up for the crappy-ish weekend: last night, Kris and I had a mini wedding anniversary celebration! Our anniversary is not until the 11th, but my parents had brought down our anniversary cake and we will be out of town on our anniversary, so we wanted to attempt to eat said cake (it had thawed out so we needed to eat it right away) and have a special night by ourselves together. Our dinner was nice: we went to a brick oven pizza place and sat on their deck along the river and had some beer and Philly cheesesteak pizza. Then, we went home to face the cake. Kris and I have decided that the cake thing must be some sort of weird hazing ritual that married couples perpetuate by forcing newlyweds to think this is a necessary tradition, because that shit was nasty. To be fair, my parents made fun of us for attempting to wait the whole year, because apparently “everyone just eats it early anyway,” or at least that is what they are claiming so that they can justify the fact they apparently ate theirs like 3 months later.
So, just how nasty was the cake?
Exhibit A: The original appearance of the wedding cake
Exhibit B: The cake, as of last night
Essentially, the cake was sort of solid and crunchy. Like, so solid I had trouble cutting it. We ate one bite and threw out the whole thing. Ew. I’d suggest taking the route of my parents. They are still together so I will say that breaking the tradition can’t be that bad…right?